The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"