Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.

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  (650): Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low. http://tfl.nu/on4s
  Replies (13) Good night (1175) Bad night (3230)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.

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  (708): Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick. http://tfl.nu/pzxf
  Replies (21) Good night (1114) Bad night (2666)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.

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  (504): I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now. http://tfl.nu/wc97
  Replies (8) Good night (673) Bad night (2164)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.

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  (432): Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite. http://tfl.nu/cdg2
  Replies (49) Good night (7101) Bad night (1639)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"

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  (217): You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket" http://tfl.nu/imu3
  Replies (13) Good night (9220) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!

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  (770): A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES! http://tfl.nu/kktf
  Replies (21) Good night (4412) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.

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  (443): Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking. http://tfl.nu/1cd2
  Replies (13) Good night (3791) Bad night (970)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.

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  (716): I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine. http://tfl.nu/zg3z
  Replies (9) Good night (3688) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup

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  (978): karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup http://tfl.nu/ujf4
  Replies (8) Good night (1546) Bad night (589)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO

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  (503): That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal. (1-503): THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO http://tfl.nu/95vh
  Replies (10) Good night (2629) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.

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  (914): He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/pgtg
  Replies (3) Good night (1939) Bad night (527)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger

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  (248): I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger http://tfl.nu/4bsz
  Replies (8) Good night (522) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.

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  (423): I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth. http://tfl.nu/tx5e
  Replies (3) Good night (237) Bad night (668)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"

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  (970): Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around" http://tfl.nu/om2l
  Replies (1) Good night (389) Bad night (129)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I will have no part of this.

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  (423): I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down. (423): I will have no part of this. http://tfl.nu/im0o
  Replies (2) Good night (261) Bad night (685)

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