I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize