I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.