Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
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