So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
