Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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