I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
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bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
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I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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