I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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