i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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