his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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