it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
