Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
