So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
