thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize