i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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