Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
