i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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