I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
