Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
