it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
