either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
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It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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