My brain says no but my pants say off.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
