i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
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No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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