peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
