I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
