I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
