I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If I die, sorry about rent.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
