9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
