Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
