I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
