I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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