I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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