He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
