I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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