Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
me + whiskey = a bad person
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
