You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
