I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
