If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize