She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
