I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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