Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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