I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Randomize
