This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
