Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
