Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Semen is not good for contacts.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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