we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
