I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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