Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
