none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
