she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
high people should be assigned attendants
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize