Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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