they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
