just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
