Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
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He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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