come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
