Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
