I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
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I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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