I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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