you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
