Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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