The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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