she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
