he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
