i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
