The maid of honor just puked.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
